We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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