Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Come see our sink grown plant.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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