I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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