it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
