Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize