Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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