Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
