It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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