how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
