what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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