I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
