Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you inspire me to be a worse person
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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