i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm getting married
To pizza
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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