I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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