I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
