TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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