i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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