Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
