508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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