I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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