when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
