i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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