6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize