my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
