My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
