everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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