So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
