Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
