I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
