I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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