Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
