y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
