y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
