We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
