he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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