Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
