I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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