About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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