God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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