Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
