3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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