god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
