she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
