you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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