I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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