I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
