Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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