Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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