I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize