If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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