dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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