Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
