Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
