I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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