sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
