just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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