You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
