what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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