Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
