i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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