The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
