We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize