I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
