No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
