All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
