You can't special order awesome
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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