um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
