your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
