These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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