U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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