those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize