Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
